What is in a Name?
November 17, 2008|Comments (38)
Fall, as you know, is my time for reflection. It is my moment to break down the walls and explore the full spate of my reality: past, present, and future. Staring deeply into those leaves above (taken at Westville Village) is a dangerous thing. The colors swirl and am lost in thought.
I’ve certainly had moments of great highs where I felt as though I were standing in the middle of a mountain stream with fishing pole in hand and the afternoon sunlight playing over my shoulders as if pouring from out Pan’s pipes into my soul. A sense of timelessness, purity, and simplicity. That “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay” feeling that just creeps up on a body like childrens’ toes over the edge of a boat just coasting across the water.
Yet, then there were moments to weep over when I felt frightened and betrayed by some outside force which seemed so far beyond my range of understanding, where I realized I had no life experience to fall back upon to help guide me through. Nothing with which I could say to myself, with confidence,”I survived that so I can make it through this.”
Adoption does crazy things to a person.
We have completed our training, interviews, background checks, fingerprinting, mountains of paperwork, medical exams, TB tests, home study (an inspection of the home and more interviews), and have submitted everything to the state of Georgia Division of Family and Children Services. We are officially waiting for children.
Waiting for children should be exciting and joyous but can be a frustrating and heartbreaking process. In our case, this was a cause for heartbreak. By the time all of the people working on our paperwork for the home study returned from summer vacations and actually finished typing everything up to submit it — the four children we’d fallen in love with were adopted by someone else.
Neither of us were prepared for the sense of loss which washed over us like a tsunami. We felt cheated and while we knew it was wonderful for those children to now have a family to care for them and love them — it was hard to focus on that victory through our own disappointment.
I suppose I should mention that we had never actually met the four children. We couldn’t because we were still waiting for our paperwork SNAFU to be resolved. We had their pictures, names, and a short paragraph about each of them which we memorized. We talked about them, prayed for them, and asked everyone around us to pray for them. The picture of those four children was… essentially… an ultrasound image of an unborn baby to expecting parents. It is proof of life and the first glimpse of your baby(ies).
So now we are sifting through the My Turn Now adoption site. We occasionally get phone calls about children but the children are either too old (we are a young couple — it wouldn’t make sense for us to try and raise a teenager) or are not legally free to adopt. My little rule: if I can’t remember their names then they are not meant for us.
Sounds terrible, huh?
I know. But think about it — We are constantly praying for the children that are brought to our attention. I think about them while I’m sorting laundry, making soap, and cleaning the house so if I find myself constantly having to trot over to the computer to look up their names because I can’t seem to commit them to memory — they are not on my heart. Josh has the same policy. They are not meant for us.
This Thanksgiving season, please join us in prayer and good thoughts for the four children that were placed on our hearts who are now starting a new life with loving parents. We ask for your continued support as we wait for children to call our own.
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