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Truly Madly Deeply

goat

Someone far more intelligent than I wrote, “Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.” And so, here I am… in the midst of the strangest fairy tale in which I have learned to love without fear, trust without questioning, and embrace the way I feel for my husband.IMG_6094

My heart has been so full of… well… silence. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows fill the heart with their own brand of music but that horrible no man’s land which borders despair is unbelievably quiet. No silvery peals of children’s laughter, no slow mournful reverberating tones… just endless nothingness. And it is deafening in its own way. The days trickled by and time eased its way between the pain and the present.

We’re better now. Well, most days. I never imagined I could love Josh more — that anyone could love anyone more than I already loved him — but it has grown and changed. Evolved. The depth of the love I feel for him is indescribable and unlike anything I have ever known. iphone 6 case snake Perhaps the only way I can explain it is that it is like a photo taken in the trenches of the Pacific Ocean — where no matter how you hold the picture, you cannot tell which way is up. This is how I feel when I look at Josh. We’ve been through so much together and in such a short amount of time. We’ve lost our unborn babies, seen the loving glow of parenthood in each other, and watched as our “foster” children rode away to be returned to their birth parents. We have faced the known and tackled the unknown only to emerge with the kind of love I once read about in sappy romance novels when I was a girl. iphone 6 game of thrones case As I grew older, I trashed those books because I felt deceived by them. After all, no one really loved anyone like that (or at least they didn’t any more). I felt sure that no one would ever love me in that way. I was wrong. I couldn’t have possibly imagined how I could ache for Josh when he walks from the room or how my heart seems to burn through my chest when I hear his voice or see his face. Never could I have dreamt that the mere touch of his fingertips on my face could leave an indelible imprint on my soul — so much so that I can still feel the warmth of his touch and the echo of his whisper in my ear even though it has been a few days since he left on a trip. Who would have thought that after several years of marriage, I could fall even more in love with my husband? That he would love me more?

holding hands

In my teens, I read a collection of the works by John Keats which I purchased for twenty-five cents at a local shop that acquired books from estate sales. John Keats love letters were nearly too much for me to read — the passion seemed to be reaching through the dog-eared pages and dripping from the coffee-stained binding. I did not have the life experience to fully appreciate his words but now… now I am able to say with a certainty that his words echo my thoughts to a degree that is frightening and reassuring all at once. “I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again. My life seems to stop there, I see no further. iphone 8 gear 4 case You have absorb’d me. iphone 6 victoria secret pink case I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving. I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion… I have shudder’d at it… I shudder no more. iphone 7 plus phone cases wood I could be martyr’d for my religion: Love is my religion. I could die for that. back and front case for iphone 6 I could die for you. My creed is love, and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a power I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often to reason against the reasons of my love. I can do that no longer.” – excerpt from a letter written by John Keats to his true love I just had to share. apple iphone 8 case charging It seems that I am not simply witnessing a miracle but I am actually part of it. A truly happy marriage of equals, who could have imagined? I’m curious.

  • TheCottonWife - I always thought the love written about in poems and songs and books was all a bunch of made-up …. well, you know.

    Then I met my husband. One meeting alone and I’d have loved him for the rest of my life.

    To those of you who are single: Hold out for the real thing. It surely exists.ReplyCancel

  • Star Lilley - wow Lacy! that was beautiful! I’m jealous!- lol just kidding, I am very happy for you. Hopefully I will find that one day! If Josh has any brothers- send em this way! lol 🙂ReplyCancel

  • YDavis - Great post. You two truly had gone through a lot and only true love can really “survive” all of that.ReplyCancel

  • Simple Livin' gal - I really think it can, Yeongshe. I really do.ReplyCancel

  • Simple Livin' gal - Star,

    Actually, Josh does have a brother!!! Hmmm…

    Blessings,
    LacyReplyCancel

  • Teesa - Beautiful words and even more beautiful emotions. Our hearts sometimes wait, but with patience and faith, true love should surely arrive.ReplyCancel

  • Rosa - Such a beautiful post! I am so happy for you! That kind of love is exceptional…

    Cheers,

    RosaReplyCancel

  • warren - I am married and can’t imagine life any other way. It feels like forever and the way life is supposed to be. I think folks who work at it will find that marriage does get better every day. Some folks approach it all wrong I think…they figure they can always split (to be sure, some marriages need to be split) so they never take it seriously enough. I think once we decided we were to be together, it was pretty easy. Pride and selfishness just disappeared for us (mostly anyhow).

    Anyhow, I can’t describe what I am trying to say as eloquently as you have, but I feel the same way about my life and congratulate you on yours!ReplyCancel

  • warren - Oh yeah…he sure is a pretty bald man!ReplyCancel

  • Marlene - Dear Lacy,
    When I had realized that I was in-love with my husband I was so surprised and stunned. To experience a love so deep in depth was and had been so unattainable to me in the past. I had merely existed and no one knew anything, only what they thought they saw or what they wanted to hear by gossip that brought excitement to them only but pain for me. My husband has brought me to the reality of what a true relationship can be and mean. Warmth, love, understanding, patience, acceptance, tolerance, beauty, tenderness, gallentry, admiration, devotion are but a few words that could describe him. He has never called me names or even gave any indication of nastiness in the last 8 years and if he has in this time then I am going to assume that he is not going to change now. Yes I have been truly blessed beyond measure and it truly is God’s blessings that count doesn’t it. Name calling and such really isn’t love, it is just a poor excuse for a man to try to claim he is a man……Love Always xoxoxoReplyCancel

  • Simple Livin' gal - Beautifully written, Marlene. I’m so glad that you’ve found a wonderful husband to share your life. love to you both

    Warren, I love that you shared your philosophy. It’s an excellent one!!!

    Blessings!
    LacyReplyCancel

  • Fay - John Keats was spot on. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married 11. I still miss him when he goes to work and am as excited as the children at his return. I also know he loves me as much as i love him which can be a scary thought.This is what love should be and woman should not except less. May your love continue to grow when you fill it with the hearts of your children (and you will).ReplyCancel

  • Simple Livin' gal - Fay,

    We are long lost sisters, I believe.
    Thank you for your sweet words and may I express my joy in knowing that you have a happy marriage. 🙂

    Blessings!
    LacyReplyCancel

  • Sophie - What a beautiful ode to your husband!

    I have been married for 2 years now, but we are 13 years together. I feel the same way for my husband & visa versa.

    Enjoy your man as much as you can! hahahahaha,…ReplyCancel

  • Maureen - What a wonderful post….and just think, it only gets better 🙂

    I’ve been married 25 years to my best friend on earth. He still calls every day from work, comes home for lunch, and the moment he walks in the door my day gets better (tho the dogs sometimes make it hard to get to him….they love him a bit too much!).

    He is still the most interesting person I know, the one whose opinion I seek before all others (even tho I may ignore it). I do believe there have been times in my life where I would’ve just as soon walked in front of a bus as get up in the morning and God gave me my DH to keep me breathing. I am truly blessed.ReplyCancel

  • Leslie - Lacy,

    This is absolutely beautiful! Tomorrow I will be married to my husband for ten years. I absolutely could not imagine my life without him. We too have been through lots of hard things. It has made our marriage so much stronger. I can truly say that I love my husband more today than ten years ago. Things aren’t always perfect, but where would the fun be if they were. I’m very happy for you and your husband and wish you two a long, happy life together!

    LeslieReplyCancel

  • angela robinson - I just happened upon your site ,while looking for tips on canning jar covers. I have been sitting here for about an hour looking and reading. I love the simple life . I have been married (oct) for 30 years and you always know where the Lord intended for you tobe. He has blessed us with seven beautiful children,most who are now grown.Two still at home. We also have four grandchildren whom we adore, Your videos and pictures captured my heart, makes me yearn for my youth and my babies,they all grew up so fast. I only caught pieces of your story however ; always know that the Lord hears and he answers. You will have your children! I will hold you in my prayers. I still do not know where you are located but I know you are close to me. I live in West Point ,Ga . Thanks so much for lifing me up tonight. I’ve been canning spiced pears, pear conserves ,and tomatoes most of the day and I needed a rest. Our youngest daughter had surgery on Thursday and is confined to bed for awhile . I did indoor work so I could also look after her. Your pictures took me outside. bless you and Josh

    AmgelaReplyCancel

  • ~Ellie - Lacey,

    I really enjoy reading your website, your posts are so inspirational, and at the same time it’s like reading about a fantasy land. In response to your question at the end of this post, I’ve never been married and I feel the same way that you used to about love. It seems like a hoax to me. I’ve never seen a relationship that I envied, and I’ve had several boyfriends, and thought I loved them each in their own way, but it was nothing compared to what you and Keats describe. I’m glad that you have found marital happiness so quickly in your own life, and your posts give me some hope that perhaps one day I will find someone that I would consider having a “happy marriage of equals” with. You will forgive me some incredulity in the meantime, though won’t you?
    ~EllieReplyCancel

  • Robbyn - Hey, sweet friend 🙂 What a beautiful post…aren’t we blessed beyond comprehension? My Jack is the love of my life second only to the Almighty, and he’s a gift I could never have imagined being possible. You worded it so beautifully. I find myself counting all the moments and wishing they would not hurry past so quickly…I hoard them and savor them and experience a joy that has words so inadequate I’m never quite sure how to say Thank You to God well enough. I’m so glad you have each other and are such gift to each other.

    I pray for all your other desires of your heart to come to you as richly as Josh did.

    Much love to you across the miles,

    RobbynReplyCancel

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