Someone far more intelligent than I wrote, “Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.” And so, here I am… in the midst of the strangest fairy tale in which I have learned to love without fear, trust without questioning, and embrace the way I feel for my husband.
My heart has been so full of… well… silence. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows fill the heart with their own brand of music but that horrible no man’s land which borders despair is unbelievably quiet. No silvery peals of children’s laughter, no slow mournful reverberating tones… just endless nothingness. And it is deafening in its own way. The days trickled by and time eased its way between the pain and the present.
We’re better now. Well, most days. I never imagined I could love Josh more — that anyone could love anyone more than I already loved him — but it has grown and changed. Evolved. The depth of the love I feel for him is indescribable and unlike anything I have ever known. iphone 6 case snake Perhaps the only way I can explain it is that it is like a photo taken in the trenches of the Pacific Ocean — where no matter how you hold the picture, you cannot tell which way is up. This is how I feel when I look at Josh. We’ve been through so much together and in such a short amount of time. We’ve lost our unborn babies, seen the loving glow of parenthood in each other, and watched as our “foster” children rode away to be returned to their birth parents. We have faced the known and tackled the unknown only to emerge with the kind of love I once read about in sappy romance novels when I was a girl. iphone 6 game of thrones case As I grew older, I trashed those books because I felt deceived by them. After all, no one really loved anyone like that (or at least they didn’t any more). I felt sure that no one would ever love me in that way. I was wrong. I couldn’t have possibly imagined how I could ache for Josh when he walks from the room or how my heart seems to burn through my chest when I hear his voice or see his face. Never could I have dreamt that the mere touch of his fingertips on my face could leave an indelible imprint on my soul — so much so that I can still feel the warmth of his touch and the echo of his whisper in my ear even though it has been a few days since he left on a trip. Who would have thought that after several years of marriage, I could fall even more in love with my husband? That he would love me more?
In my teens, I read a collection of the works by John Keats which I purchased for twenty-five cents at a local shop that acquired books from estate sales. John Keats love letters were nearly too much for me to read — the passion seemed to be reaching through the dog-eared pages and dripping from the coffee-stained binding. I did not have the life experience to fully appreciate his words but now… now I am able to say with a certainty that his words echo my thoughts to a degree that is frightening and reassuring all at once. “I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again. My life seems to stop there, I see no further. iphone 8 gear 4 case You have absorb’d me. iphone 6 victoria secret pink case I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving. I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion… I have shudder’d at it… I shudder no more. iphone 7 plus phone cases wood I could be martyr’d for my religion: Love is my religion. I could die for that. back and front case for iphone 6 I could die for you. My creed is love, and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a power I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often to reason against the reasons of my love. I can do that no longer.” – excerpt from a letter written by John Keats to his true love I just had to share. apple iphone 8 case charging It seems that I am not simply witnessing a miracle but I am actually part of it. A truly happy marriage of equals, who could have imagined? I’m curious.